Strange Thoughts

Have a Good Day!

2011-12-19T08:34:00.000-08:00

Every day, we wake up from our sleep hoping that this day would turn out to be day free from all the worries , a day full of happiness, a special day to do the long awaited dream of yours! Well, somehow yesterday turned out to be one such day for me!!

As usual had put my mobile's alarm on snooze mode as it started ringing out loudly the "Jaago jaago subah ho gayi..." song! Even though, I am a Sallu fan. Somehow, this makes me irritated especially when I am in mid of my dream! Again, it started ringing out. But, this time it was not the same song, Instead, it was a call from an unknown number.

I switched off the mobile and kept on driving my car. It's possible only in your dreams, that you can do all the unexpected things - that too with such perfection! Driving speedily along the woods singing out the songs loudly...!

Suddenly, I saw him. I had never expected in meeting him so soon. It's known fact that once you will definitely meet him up. But, like this - had ever dreamt of ? No, i guess!

I was not able to see his face, as light was radiating from behind him.

"Hey, where are you going up so fast?"

I was quite startled by him talking to me!

I tried for finding out the right word. But, somehow no word was coming out of me!

"Hey, I asked you something...no reply yet??"

"Well...." Again, I struggled for that right word on how to address him and for his question.

"Why you are taking so much of time in replying?" With calmness in his voice he continued, "This is how you often ask questions to me. Even before, I can find out the right thing for you. You would start blabbering out"

I realized what he is saying is quite true. Especially when my prayers are not heard, I wonder what he is up to after all.

"Aare... not coming to office today?" Neha literally kicked me from my bed. I woke up to see her face.

''Oh God!! Hope it turns out to be a good day".

Good day ? Or rather a day preparing myself for those better days ahead! From today, everyday is going to be a good and bright day as long as I who is living up those moments feels otherwise! Chances for that is less as what he had said in my dreams.... Right thing takes up time!

My Broken Umbrella!!

2011-11-02T10:03:00.000-07:00

Well, its quite known to everyone that broken things can never be mended! Be it that imported glass vase which you got as a gift , your favorite coffee mug, your expensive porcelain dish etc etc ! I too strongly agreed upon on that until yesterday when I learnt an important lesson in life!

I was on my way to office. I had turned on my playlist and went on listening to those lovely songs. It's my policy that where ever one goes, one should enjoy each and every moment of life! Sometimes, I prefer listening to music else reading book or else calling up my friends! If nothing of the above activities can be done at a particular moment, then of course, I would try to listen to that distant and feeble voice - well my inner voice!

"Hey, is this seat occupied?"

I reduced the volume and said " No!"

Back to my song "Aaj mein upar ...Asma neeche...."

I saw him reading out Economic Times. I closed my eyes so as not to be disturbed. Along with the lyrics, I was carried away! As a kid,I had always dreamt of becoming a lyricist like Gulzar or Javed Akhtar!

Some dreams are meant to be dreams forever!!

Well, this had happened some one week back or so. Now, i am waiting in the corridor for the rain to cease and to board the bus. I took out my umbrella and while trying to unfold it, I saw one of its stretcher broken!!

Oh God! Why all such things happen to me alone! Whenever I wish to reach home early, there would be something or the other to delay me!!

"Can I use your Umbrella? "

Coincidental! Well, that's the word which can be used - the total "professional Economic Times" guy was asking for my umbrella!

"Huh.... Well, I am sorry. It's broken!"

"Still, can I??" He persisted.

"I don't think it will be useful to you.. anyways!"

I gave the umbrella to him and he unfolded it. He first tried mending the stretcher, by pressing once or twice close to the rib. Finally, he kept it open and ran to the car parking lot some 200 mtrs away.

He drove to where we were standing.

"Shall I drop you?"

Rain was not even showing any sign of stopping! I looked at Anjali and she nodded, with that we got into the car.

"Hi, I am Nihal". He smiled for the first time.

"Hi, I am Neha...and she is Anjali, my neighbour". I said.

"Thanks for your Umbrella. Here it is"

He handed over the wet umbrella.

"I am sorry. My Umbrella is broken"

"Broken??" Nihal asked.

"Haan..! Didn't you see that yourself ?"

"Well, it might seem to be broken...!! But, still it served the purpose of not getting wet!"

Well, What he said is true...at times its better to go with the thing you have even if its broken one rather than waiting on! I came to know one thing that - rather than discarding something as broken, if we try to mend it, we may be able to use it again!

Might be a small thing, still it requires someone else to point out to you...."Hey Boss, this is the way.....this is how it needs to be done..." etc etc!

I am not saying that all things can be fixed; most of it can be. Hmmm,those Broken heart, Broken soul types.....well !

"Hey, Neha...... Let's get down here"

Anjali disturbed my conversation with that distant feeble voice!

"Yeah..you can stop here. Thanks Nihal."

I smiled at that ET personality as I stepped out of the car.

Broken things can be mended by your outlook!!

PS: Photo courtesy : Sophia Douma (www.photo.net)

Zindagi Do Pal Ki

2011-10-25T12:30:00.000-07:00

While walking to Pantry, one of the posters on the cabinet wall of my colleague caught my attention!

"Slow down and enjoy LIFE"....that bold words "LIFE" took me to my college days!

I still remember that afternoon lecture of Prof Sheshadri. As usual Prof had taken a different topic to discuss and to get the class engaged.

Prof in his usual tone had asked "I wonder how one would define their life. Come on class.... one by one...define in your terms how the word life can be defined".

Been the afternoon lecture hour, that too after heavy lunch, everyone had plans of sleeping quite well and here he had came up with his question to define so-called life!

Some of the answers that popped out from the intellectual brains of ours were

" Life shows the very existence of a human being!"

"Life is a combo-pack of fun-filled, beautiful as well as some tragical events...!!"

"Life a mix masala of success and failure.!!"

"Life is the path to spirituality!!"

"Life is a mystery"

"Life is just like your lectures! Can't understand a single thing!"

"Life is unpredictable"

"Life is colorful ....and beautiful"

I pressed the coffee button in coffee vending machine and kept my mug underneath it. As, it was filling to the brim. My mind was multitasking itself going to past, then to future.

Down the lane, even after a decade while trying to define the same four-letter word LIFE which we all had defined in that lecture class seems to be tough! Some of those answers which we had blabbered at that point of time seems to be silly like that life is so unpredictable! Well, it could be even compared to that of sreeshanth's bowling.... As one can't say whether its going to be a No-ball or a wide or else a straight delivery! Still, like every other cricket fan even though you would curse on the bowler , you would still continue to watch it till the end! Life is also the same, need to watch out for every ball as who knows in which ball, it would hit across that boundary line!

I have always wondered at that time on how life could be so colorful and all. Was it a canvas to paint with those bright yellow, blue, green and red shades across..As far as I came to know,it's not that life which is colorful but the events or the memories which makes it all the more colorful. All emotion has got a color entitle to it...some lighter shades, some darker shades, grey shades all represents one or the other!

Life is still a mystery for me and as everyone else I too am still trying to untie one after the other the mystery box ribbon's hoping to see at last what LIFE is all about!! And when one opens up the last and final box, hope they would have really known the beauty of LIFE!!

I heard my name called out. "Hey...where were you??Priya asked standing next to me.

"Why?? any issues came up?"

"Nahi tho! But we are supposed to attend a talk on the topic life and different aspects of life! Boring talks!! Chal let's move on if you are done with your coffee break!"

I could just smile at her. Again the same word LIFE coming across!

As I walked back to my place, I could hear the background song from the pantry "Yeh Jeevan hai...Iss Jeevan Ka yahi hai..."

PS: Even though meeting was going on.....And I was removing one after another ribbons of the mysterious box....here goes another box out humming "Har Pal yahan...Jee bhar Jiyo...Jo Hai Sama... Kal Ho Na Ho"

At last I met him!!

2011-10-14T10:22:00.000-07:00

I ran down the steps as fast as I could. Excitement was reflecting on my face. Finally, its happening. The day has come to meet him!

" Beti....zaara dheere..!!"

To slow down! That too now? Who will listen to that!!

"Sorry ...not this time maa!!"

With that I already crossed the hall, throw a quick glance to the mirror! Well, Am I not beautiful today? White lacy top with the blue jeans. My favorite combination.

"Oye Ms. Universe.... come on....or you will miss him!"

I could hear Neha calling out. No more combing my hair and straight away got into car.

Neha was behind the steering wheels, and the identical twins - Radhika and avantika were seated back.

"Hey....you know what?? " Rads started pouring out! Avanti pitched in here and there.

I closed my eyes and his face came clearer! That mischievous smile of his...

"Neha... will I be able to see him today?". I asked.

Neha almost stamped on the brake and said "Will you stop asking me this same question? Seriously, its irritating!!"

Avanti giggled and said "Nehs....why not we have it recorded and play it on loop?"

I threw the cushion on to her! "Shut up! you both..."

Well, there is no point in fighting with them. They will never be able to understand how long I had been waiting for this day!

Finally, we reached the place. My heart was beating all the more.

All the hype around the stadium with his big big posters and hoardings! Well, I would have stayed there itself and kept on watching it.

Neha pulled me and asked "Madam ji...are you coming inside to see him or gonna be here??"

I just could blabber out "Well...woh Neha...Mein...woh..."

"Ok!! Rest of tumhare woh..mein talk after seeing him"

Far across, I could see him! As a background song, I could hear my heart singing out song from titanic!

"Far across the distance....
I see you...!!"

As far as I could remember, I had been crazy about him. Whenever I get to see his picture be it in those film magazines or newspaper, I would cut it out and paste in my album! Hopefully, one day, I can show HIM all those I have been collecting!

Dreams of him and me walking down the lighted up streets holding hands. In the background, of course, our romantic moon saab!

Well, those were my wild dreams and now standing in the crowd, waiting patiently to see him wave in my direction!

Something struck hard !! The fact of Reality and I would rather say that it's quite sweet one! And Thank God, my life is full of such flavors!

Kyun ki yehi tho hai zindaagi boss.....!! :)

PS: Dedicated to all those people who are crazy about superstars be it in any field - entertainment, sports etc!! You will be able to relate to this heart beat of her's! :)

Bidding You Good Bye - Part II

2011-10-04T11:43:00.000-07:00

Oct 2, 2011

Sunday morning! Great day to do all your pending chores of the week and also to plan out for the coming week!

I went straight to their room. No one was there.

I should have known that Sunday is the day which they look forward. The day when they can meet their dear and near ones. They get a chance to talk to them!

I have always thought of how they can leave their parents to the care of some unknown strangers who finally turns out to be the part of their life esp in their countable days!

I still remember the day when she had held her hands in mine and bid goodbye to me.

Those wrinkled face of her's were still bright with a smile. I had always adored her silver hair. Not a speck of black hair you can find in it!

She always used to sit in that corner bench alone and away from the rest. Once, I had gone upto her and asked why she is sitting away from those and she had replied saying

" Beti..... I would like to think of those beautiful moments I had in my life - the day when he was born, his tiny fingers clutching tightly to my fingers, warmth of his smile during those deep sleeps, shaky first steps he took, first word he spoke - maa - mesmerizing enough!!"

She took a pause and continued.

" Now he is in other part of world - away from me! Still he is close to my heart!"

A tear roll down her wrinkled face - still she managed to put that sweet toothless smile of hers and said "I love you my son.... how far you are know that your maa always loved you."

She gave me the notepad she had been jotting down all the while. I read those lines of her's

Bidding You Goodbye......!

I couldn't resist in giving a hug to her! The most deserving person in the whole world at that moment, even though I am not the one she was expecting that hug from!

A decade have passed by, still I could spot that silver haired wrinkled face of her's each and every face of those eagerly waiting to meet up their dear ones!

It's hard to bid goodbye!

Insomniac jotting down......!!

2011-10-03T13:09:00.000-07:00

I wonder whether I am turning out to be an insomniac!?

For the first two decades of my life, I would have hit on to the bed before the clock struck 9:00 PM. Now, thanks to the profession I choose. I am able to be wide awake and alert till I hear the bird's chirping out. That's the time when I think of "Oh oh!! Next day have come up...and still I haven't slept!".

I force myself to sleep by humming out lullaby's and shutting my eyes tightly!

And in another two to three hours, there would be knock on my door asking me to wake up and come down for breakfast. Wholesome breakfast would be ready and lunch too for take away!

I would really appreciate those who wake up early in the morning! :) This is one of the trait which I lack unless or until the situation demands!

Situations like : you have got to go for a training or a trip, an exam, fasting and most importantly if its that day on which you are travelling back to your home town!

Hoping to see the sun rise of tomorrow morning after a small nap! So here I go zzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzz zzzzzzzz!! :)

Bidding You Good Bye - Part I

2011-10-03T12:05:00.000-07:00

Oct 1, 2011

Leather Diary with the year clearly shown as 2002.

I turned to the marked page. Old page from diary streams out all those good times we had. Its almost close to a decade since I had jotted down this.

Transformation of that dreamy girl to present one is the proof for changes are inevitable!

Bidding you goodbye

--------------------

Holding your hands in mine,

Looking into those eyes of your's -

I struggled to lighten up with that fake smile -

Hiding those tears from rolling down.

Time have come to bid you goodbye -

Before I could continue reading, I was startled by a voice screaming out "Oh No! Not again..."

Shreya! In the mirror, I could see her walking into the room.

"Kya hua...?" I asked her and slipped the diary back into the shelf.

"Didi.... How can they do so? Woh ....I had put them to bed and now when I went back..! They have the room..."

Shreya - always brings one or the other complaints. This is not a new thing. She has taken that it is her responsibilty to bring discipline in everyone's life. And, all dislike her for this reason. Still, with out her this home will not even be functioning!

I smiled and said "Shreya.....waise it's sunday tomorrow. So let..."

Before, I could complete, she went on "So let them enjoy.... Shreya you take care and good night, right Didi?"

I smiled at her. She knows what's there in my mind and most of the time she would be completing those sentences of mine. Eight years of understanding, I would rather say.

She went back and closed the door behind.

I tried to play some music to take away all those memories which were creeping into my mind!! Time was ticking away and I need to get some sleep so that for tomorrow I can bring up their spirit!

Trekking on a Mission - Save Tada Falls

2010-08-10T04:02:00.000-07:00

An awe-inspiring trek to experience the scenic beauty of Nature had always been a dream until last sunday(Aug 8), when I got the chance to be a part of the 200+ CTC volunteers who had joined together for a cause! The mission to "Save Tada" waterfalls from the garbages and in turn to preserve nature in its purest form!

This enchanting Tada waterfalls lies around 97 Km away from Chennai in northern direction near to Chennai- AP border. Beauty of this place can never be explained in terms of words as it needs to experienced by oneself ! A place which has all the nature bound gifts in the form of pool(where you can take a dip and those who knows can swim for a while), water falls and spectular valley still least known to others!! And those who had come across warns their families and lady friends from going to Tada falls as its notorius for the nuisance caused by the drunkards!!

And here, we start..... the mission to "Save Tada" !! Everyone(including school kids) had joined up to be a part of the clean-drive organized by Chennai Trekking Club and sponsored by Sricity.

What's up there in the Tada falls?? Why all my friends were asking not to go to Tada in small groups??
So many questions had been going through my mind and the time had reached to get the answer one by one...

Journey begins with the trek to Siva temple from where you have to again go up all the way by crossing the streams (less than knee deep water) or else you can try out for a new path through the boulders. But, again this is risky as chances of you stepping on to broken liquor glasses is there! After climbing all the way up you will come across a pool where you can take a dip to have all the fun!

Meanwhile, we had been divided into different zones to collect the garbage (non-biodegradable like plastic bags, bottles, plates ...) and broken liquor bottles!! Some of these will be in the streams..some near the sides ....and some below the rocks!! Not only it spoils the trekking, but also turns out to spoil the very beautyof this amazing waterfall!!

At the end, we had taken up the heavily loaded garbage bags full of plastic and broken liquor bottles down the hill by singing out songs like "Hum honge kamyab....(We shall overcome!!)".

Public commitment was provided by the Forest Officials in ensuring Tada waterfalls to be a plastic-free area!!

"Now...what big deal will it make if the garbage is disposed into the streams as we have come here for enjoying!! Anyways, it will be going down...and more over its a forest area! So who cares??"

" Thousands of garbage is been littered all around the world...then why taking this place for preserving nature??"

"If I and my friends have come here for so-and-so party and got drunk!! Why to make such a hype about it??"

"I love to pass on comments at ladies when we are in group!!...Doesn't even bother whether they have come with their familiy or friends??"

"Nothing is going to change by collecting up the garbage from this place....as there are thousand other places in this world which are more littered than this!! Come on....Don't you people have any other work!"

If you have such questions coming in your mind then read on.....

Only if one of you start thinking of cleaning up and making it a plastic-free zone....we can make it happen in other places also!! More over, such a clean-up drive reminds you of not to litter another place with plastic bags and bottles especially after collecting the fully loaded garbage bags down the hill!!

If one is determined in keeping his environment clean, then the rest of the people might make fun of you initially. But as time goes on, the others will understand and appreciate your efforts and will follow your path!! Do you have the urge to make it happen in and around your place?? If so, what are you waiting for..just do it!!!

Also, according to Indian Penal Code section 509- "Whoever, intending to insult the modesty of any woman, utters any word, makes any sound or gesture, or exhibits any object, intending that such word or sound shall be heard, of that such gesture or object shall be seen, by such woman, or intrudes upon the privacy of such woman, shall be punished with simple imprisonment for a term which may extend to one year, or with fine, or with both."

For more pics and info on Save Tada - Just click on to Chennai Trekkers Club!! http://www.chennaitrekkers.org/

Photo Courtesy : Thanks to all the Save Tada volunteers who had captured the moments!
All the more to CTC for organizing one such clean-up drive!!

Is this what we call as....???

2010-07-05T12:58:00.000-07:00

Is this what we call as humanity to be of?
When our kids are having all those luxuries –
While those Sweet little faces covered with dust –
Yearn for freedom!!

Is this what we call as Integrity to be of?
When we keep mum towards the truth –
While those strangers invade our Country –
Destroying our peace!!

Is this what we call as fraternity to be of?
When we live in a peaceful comfy zone -
While those brothers of ours find it hard to earn –
Even a piece of bread!!

Is this what we call as serendipity to be of?
When we know things needs to be changed -
While we still don’t know where from it should begin -
And when it is known; it turns out to be too late!!

Before her last breath!!

2010-07-04T21:27:00.000-07:00

Seconds has changed our life,
Amongst us word partying had become rife,
An hour before, enjoying with all over a drink there,
And now lying down in this wreck alone out here,
With all the blood stained glass shattered criss-cross,
I could see her far across!

Grasping for my breathe,
I struggled to reach out to her, to sheathe -
My legs had gone dead,
First time in my life, I put out my hands in a plead-
“Oh God, Give me another chance -,
In the last few seconds, whole of my life came in a glance!
If not I had drunk and drove
I could have saved her and our love!!”

But, all my prayers went in a vain-
Leaving me alone to witness her in this pain!
Opening my eyes turning out to be an endeavor,
Least known, it’s going to be closed forever!!
I could hear her crying in agony far,
With tears rolling down, All I could say “Oh, dear, I am sorrr….”
Conceding the people to say –
In that pool of blood, is where the drunk driver and his pregnant wife lay!!

Dreams yet to be fulfilled !

2010-02-19T12:08:00.000-08:00

“My dreams of green, greenery world –
Will it be fulfilled by you?

Now no one takes me out,
Under the hot Sun, to dig the soil anymore!

Now no one bothers to water my saplings,
Letting them to weaken out, like me!

Now no one looks after them -
Growing far away in my garden, with no one to mend!

As everyone is here, praying for me –
In my last moments, all the while I know!

Everyone knows that ‘they ‘are fading,
They say – it won’t be the same after fifty years or so!

Not in my life time, will I see greenery fading out -
As lady luck had taken little me in her side!

With few hours left in my life –
Doctor… I wish to plant a tree as my family will live on…!!”

Leaving my dreams of green, greenery world left unfulilled –
Could you fulfill it for me?

Shattered Dreams!

2010-02-10T21:11:00.001-08:00

Round the corner spring came,
With blooming flowers everywhere,
I went on weaving the dreams of flying high in sky,
Fluttering my colourful wings,
To the rhythm of winds!

Came across the blossom meadow- a little boy and his Cat,
Fascinated little eyes staring at me,
Leaving me in thoughts -
While I moved to another flower flapping my wings,
And humming to the winds!

Jumping ferociously on me, Mighty Cat held his breath –
Crumpling my wings under his paws,
Digging deep and deeper into me,
For his pleasure, his playful act goes on -
While I struggled to free myself from him!

Fluttering their wings, my friends came across-
To where I lie all lost, they whispered in -
“Oh dear, she lost her wing!”
“Oh God, she is no longer the same! “
“Alas, she lost her self under his paws!”

Alone in this dirt, everyone left;
Searching for help, I saw the little boy -
Hoping him to pick me up from this dirt,
Those eyes which had looked at me with fond,
Alas! He too left me alone, without even glancing once!

I looked up at the sky, I had dreamt of flying!
I moaned, Thou to hear - “Am I not a creature of yours?
Or did you create me just as a piece of fantasy -
For the sake of other’s pleasure?
Can’t I too have my own dreams!"

****STOP EXPLOITATION AGAINST WOMEN ***

My Cute Angel - Part II

2010-02-06T08:23:00.000-08:00

After five years of marriage, with continued visits to all the religious places and Doctor’s declaration that we can never become parents, I and Nihal had made up our minds for adoption.

On our way to the Mercy Home orphanage, I looked across to Nihal

“Will we be able to find our angel over there? Will our family be able to accept her? ....Nihal...What if she doesn’t fit into our culture? Woh...Nihal....Ek aur baath...What if others point out her as an adopted one?? “

I took a breath and continued.“Will she accept us as her parents?

“Just don’t worry dear; we will be able to...trust me!”

And he placed his hands on mine. The reassurance I required the most. He had been there with me all the way in taking this decision.

Adoption – the word not so accepted in our society. Mainly, because of the fear of the genetic inheritance of the child, whether the child might go on searching for his/her biological parents, whether the parents could consider them as their own child, the fear of the biological parent’s character….. So many kinds of these questions went through our minds.

But, it was him who told me that our angel needs us and not to think more on 'whether /will she' questions anymore. In future, It can happen that our angel might go in search of her biological parents but still if we love her more than anyone could she ever …………!

On reaching Mercy Home, we had found her - our cute little angel. She was just more than three years. Beautiful face with her hair neatly tied up in a pony tail. All the more, she was dressed up in a pink lace frock making her all the more beautiful! Her smile and her laughter took me away.

But on our way back, her eyes were filled with tears. Cute little one on my lap had given me more meaning to our life. From now onwards, we are also parents – Mamma and Papa.

Her caretaker had informed us about her routine -right from the food, her favourite doll, her sleeping time etc. Also that she tends to gel with others very slowly…But once, she mingles up she will be the centre of attraction. And that’s what we want ….she to be the centre of attraction of our family.
I could hear Ria’s laughter coming from the garden. I went outside and was surprised to see my father-in-law playing with her. The watch man was crawling on his legs like an elephant with Ria on top of him and papa was like a mahout.

On seeing me, papa came closer.

“Beti…. We could have taken her three years before itself… why did we waste so many years??….. She is my granddaughter…..from today onwards she has our family name along with her name….. Ria …Ria Walia”

Ria came running to papa and clutched onto his hands, on seeing me she hid behind him. She started playing hide and seek by looking at me every now and then. At last, She smiled at me. This is the second smile she has given to me.

I put out my hands to grab her. But she didn’t move.

Well….It’s not yet the right time.

I turned around. Just then, I heard her say “Mamm….aaa….Mamma”

The word I had been waiting for years to be called up my angel…. My cute little angel. I hugged and kissed her. And in return; she gave me a sweet kiss.

She is my angel sorry our angel!!

My Cute Angel - Part I

2010-02-04T19:44:00.000-08:00

Feb 02, 2009

She looked more beautiful when the lights from the moving vehicles fell on her.

Oh My God, I will be going on looking at those beautiful innocent eyes forever!

We had been trying to cross the road for the past ten minutes. But every time, I made an attempt to step forward, she gave me a frightened look. It was quite obvious that with the speeding vehicles, newbie’s to this city will be afraid to cross the road.

“This is not going to work, Riya. We have to cross the road to get into the car.” Saying that, I took her hands in mine, they were tiny and feather like compared to mine. I could clearly sense her reluctance in holding on to my hands.

Well, it might take her some more time to consider me as her own. Definitely, I need to think from her side – how it will feel to accept this relation of becoming a new member to our family, of having so many new relations by leaving the place where she was brought up, all in a sudden!!

When the traffic lightened a bit, I stepped forward. But she stood adamantly over there without any intention of moving. Only then I got with her gaze. They were going in another direction – to the shop on the left.

Few people had gathered around to admire the dress hanging on the front window of the shop. It was a lovely frock in white satin with white roses pinned on to it.
“You need that?”

No answer.

“I mean…. You liked it?”

Still, there was no answer.

“Ok fine…. I thought of getting it for you. But it seems like you are….”

I just couldn’t complete that sentence as her eyes were saying everything. She was pleased to hear that I thought of buying it. But, still only one thing perturbed me….. Why she is not letting me know of her likes and dislikes? What she wants…Her dreams …Sometimes, at a later time she herself might tell me all her stories, her dreams, her likes and dislikes. There is nothing much which I can do rather than wait for that moment to come!!
At last, we were able to cross the road.

Feb 03, 2009

New morning brings in new hopes. I woke up and looked around. She was not there. Where can she go? All kinds of thoughts went through my mind.

I went to the balcony; there she was looking at the rising sun across the beach. I could see her, my sun shine.

“You like to watch the sunrise, dear?”

No answer.

“Ria, If I am asking you something, Make sure that you reply “.Without knowing I raised my voice.

“Hmmm…..”

She replied and went inside with those cute eyes filled.

I shouldn’t have said so…. Oh God, What’s this? We had hardly spoken 5 to 6 sentences before and here, I raised my voice?

“Riya…....Riya” I went inside. She had already crept onto the bed and pulled over the blanket.

“I am sorry”. She didn’t even look at me.

“Riya…I said I am sorry….” I gave her a sorry gesture.

I saw her lips curving in a smile. It’s the first time; she had smiled back even if it is for the funny expression I had made. For her happiness, I don’t mind being a joker!!

It’s her first breakfast with everyone after her arrival to our house. I went and took my seat and she slowly pulled the seat next to me. Everyone around the table except one has not yet accepted her as a part of our family.

Something is not right here they feel so; I can’t blame them, for she has entered into our family in such a way. But for me she is more than anything….. She is my angel, my little angel!

- To be contd.

Silence

2010-01-30T10:24:00.000-08:00

Burden of this silence,

Is it tormenting my endurance?

Is it drowning me in fullness?

Deep and deeper, into the somberness.

The very existence of this silence,

Reminds me of the admittance,

Or rather a confession -

Of my passion!

Might be this Intimacy,

Is indulging a lot into my privacy,

The one meant to be secrecy,

Turned out, too evidently.

Still one has to clutch on -

With the burning lamp of vehemence on,

And with the resilience,

To face this eon of silence!!

What were those eyes trying to communicate?

2010-01-28T08:53:00.000-08:00

Those eyes which had seen you first -
Cuddled up in a blanket,
Close to my heart -
With those cute little lips about to tinge in a curve!

Those eyes which had seen you walk first -
Toddled up those few steps,
Thrilling my heart -
With those shaky legs about to fall in a nerve!

Those eyes which had seen you talk first -
Mumbled up a feeble word 'maa',
Mesmerizing my heart -
With those tiny hand clutching my finger, a moment to preserve!

Those eyes after it bids final good bye -
Wrapped in white bundle,
Wailing other hearts -
With those strong hands lifting me to my grave!

Those eyes would love to experience it all again -
Enthralled in another face,
Fulfilling another mother's heart,
With those eyes getting another chance to serve!

********************************************************************************
"Let your eyes Live on - Donate your eyes to help someone see"

Marriages are made in Heaven - Part II

2009-03-21T04:55:00.000-07:00

Why are they not calling me on to the stage? Why is it taking so much time? What had happened? My aunts had informed me earlier that it won’t take more than 10 min for me to be on stage once they reach.. Now, it seems as though more than half an hour had gone….

I saw my family members gathered around his family. No one had informed me of such a custom before marriage. Why are they having a pleading expression? What has gone wrong?

I could hear murmurings going around… a word which I had hated the most caught my ears.

“Dowry!!!”

Even though, our family was respectable one, I could see them pleading with his family.
I could never ever take the insult of my family. They have taken care of me in such a good manner and taught me to have all the goodness to be a self respectable individual. Now, if my family is losing theirs just for sake of my marriage. Then it’s much better not to get married.

The voice urged me to go onto the stage and speak to them directly. At least this time, I have to hear my voice and make sure that others also get a chance to hear it.

I started walking in the direction of the stage not caring about what the beautician had told a little while ago.

“Paaa…. Please don’t go on pleading with them! If they don’t have the money to take care of me after my marriage, why should I get married to him? “ …. “You and all our family members have already taken care of my marriage by spending so much…. You have taught me to secure a respectable position in the society…. “

“It doesn’t matter whether I get married or not to this guy… what matters most for me is my families respect. And I don't want it to be lost for my sake. As long as, you people are there with me, I don’t have to worry whether I am married or not.”

My uncle spoke… "Beti, it seems for teaching him and for securing him such a job they had spend lots of money. They are expecting from us, so he can set up his own firm"

"Uncle… I am sorry for speaking out….But, Isn't it true that my Maa and Paa have spent so much for my education and bringing up also!! How can they say that teaching and bringing up a boy costs more when we have the same fee everywhere?? Don't we, the daughters of a family, have any identity of our own other than that of a paraaya dhaan?? "

I turned on to face the person with whom I should have tied the knot.

“As I am taught to respect elders as well as by considering your family for the past few months as my own family…. I feel little awkward to speak to them in a harsh tone… Just got one thing to say to you, the person who should have been my better half by this time if everything had went fine !!"

I paused and continued. "If you are not able to take care of a girl after marriage by your own money rather than the amount she brings in with her family, also if you and your family are not able to give respect to that girl and her family without considering it on the basis of the amount she brings in. For everyone’s sake, I am just letting you know one thing that you don’t deserve to be getting married at all!! Also, in my lifetime, I will be happy for taking this decision of not marrying you!! "

I started walking back, trying hard to fight back those tears from running down….not for that guy who promised to keep me happy lifelong but for that family who had constantly made sure that each and every second of my life is filled with happiness, for which they are ready to sacrifice anything!!

Marriages are made in heaven - part I

2009-03-21T04:18:00.000-07:00

The smell of flowers along with the Vedic chant reminded me of the time. The children were running in and around with their cute laughter. Elder ones were busy with the betel leaf and sharing stories of their good old times. Time had finally arrived, for me to get tied into marriage knots.

No one in my family had ever thought that I might get married so soon. But, as the proposal came up that too from the parents of a handsome, decent guy with a good job from a well known family of same caste, my family had no other option than to say yes to them…What more can they expect for their daughter!

Now, I am standing in front of the mirror. My hair tied into plaits with full of flowers losing my hair’s identity to that of a lily creeper. The Beautician worked on to make sure that the gold ornaments which I wore covered up the sari such that no one can even make a wild guess on its color. And not to say about my new mask made up of thick layer make-up put on….!!
Sudden flash of light came in.

Someone called out “Just give us some space…..We need to get a coverage on bridal dressing”.

“Beti ….Bring in a shyness in your look ….Think of your…!!"

“Yeah …that’s perfect….But just make it a little more to your left, chin a little up…now to the camera.”

And the director of this so called marriage movie started asking me to pose in front of the camera. With the postures so funny, so weird!!

Finally, I was asked to walk down to the stage by taking one step at a time, so that they can have a good coverage.

As I was about to take my first step, someone yelled out.

“Stop!!”

The beautician came running towards me. One strand of hair had come out. She gave some touch ups.

“Dear …make sure that no more strands come out… Also make sure that you walk slowly, indeed very slowly dear.”

While taking the flight of stairs leading to the well-decorated stage, I saw the caterers in their white shirt and black bows standing on the right side with an eagerness to serve all the dishes which were ready by this time. It seemed as though, they might serve even before the marriage takes place..

Towards, the left stood the orchestra people, playing shaadi songs.I just looked around. But, where are they?? The most needed ones….my family members!! Each one was busy with duties to look after the guests, orchestra, caterers etc. They have done their duty too perfectly by not giving a chance to anyone to say anything wrong about my marriage. But their negligence towards me on this special day disappointed me.

Is this what I had dreamt of? My marriage – the one I had dreamt so much of. Now going in accordance with the so called beauticians, camera man, light boys, Caterers, orchestras…..!! Can't it take place with just the close ones together under their blessings without any extravagance??

My cousin called out. “They reached… !!”

The orchestra people started to play their band…. And the music came out…. “Doli sajaake rekhna…mehndi “. Perfect one for the current situation!

I was asked to sit in one decorated chair opposite to the stage. Wait till the initial rituals are over.

I got a glimpse of him climbing onto the stage reminding me of the first time we met. Total strangers, who were supposed to lead their life together, not knowing what to speak, what to say… But the elder ones had already decided. As he comes from a good respectable, well to-do family, with a good job… he has all the qualities to be my better half. Music changed to " Vaada rehaa….pyar se…".

An inner voice told me is this the qualities which I should be rather looking for?? Can't they see that most important qualities are not those socio-economic factors which can even fade out in one's lifetime!! Who will hear my voice?? I feared that no one has heard it, as voice of girls shouldn't be heard outside, that's what we are taught in our lifetime!! To lead our lives taking other's decision on top of our own decision.

I kept on waiting… the song has now changed to…. “Yeh Betiyan To Babul Ki Raniya Hai …”. One of the sad songs depicting the feeling of bride’s family when she leaves her maiden home, her family!! She has to leave behind everything she had been used to, so as to begin a new life in a new place with new people.. Might be this is what our lives are meant to be!!

My pursuit through the woods

2009-03-21T04:08:00.000-07:00

In pursuit of something I lost,

While walking through the woods,

The mind of woods I read the most-

Came crystal clear with all the goods.

Like a dew drop on the leaf-

Ready to make the fall,

I continued the pursuit with a belief,

That it isn’t over at all!!

My Baby - One in thousand !!

2009-03-21T03:50:00.000-07:00

With the financial year end round the corner, I was looking at the monthly balance sheet when I got the call from Shreya, in-charge of the home.

“Yes Shreya, What’s up?”

I listened to what she was saying.

“Well, Hope the grant provided would meet our medical expense for the children. Let me see ….. Yeah, I can understand……Or else I will ask Nihal to drop in there and get the necessary things done.”

Just then, I heard Arnav’s cry from the other room.

“Hey, Shreya, I will call you back….Arnav is crying.”

I ran to his room to check out whether everything is fine with him.

On entering his room painted in blue stuffed with soft toys, I saw him in his cradle trying hard to sit. I took him in my hands and saw those cute little eyes staring at me blankly, my baby! I kissed him on his smooth chubby cheeks.

Like every parent, we too had dreams for our baby. He is our first one - First in both our families.

But, our dreams got shattered on a regular routine check up with our gynecologist in the last quarter of pregnancy. She said she had a doubt on our baby’s growth. Some tests and scanning were carried out. I consulted with my cousin’s husband who is one of the famous gynecologists in another city.

The very next day, he came down to our place.

“Well, I had sent across the reports to another consultant. He too had the same opinion that out of one in thousand cases, a child might be born with retarded mental growth.”

I still remember asking to him.

“Jijaji, what is the probability of our baby?”

“Well, to be frank…. It’s all in hands of God.”

He paused and continued.

“Especially at this stage of pregnancy it can happen either way.”

“I would rather ask you both to prepare. Even though, personally, I wouldn’t suggest taking up any wrong step.”

Nihal and I had no words to say. Our dreams, our baby!!

Jijaji sensed our situation. “Well, think over it and decide”.

It was a very tough time for us as well as our family. There were some asking us not to go ahead with this and some advising us that it’s all decided by God.

I, myself, had the same opinion. At least, I wished to believe what the doctor said only one in thousand case can be born like that.

What if my baby is in the other nine hundred ninety nine? What if he is the one? God only knows what he has decided, in which group my baby belongs to.

I said that I am ready to have this baby. Nihal had always been there with me in all my decisions.

Weeks later, as soon as I had my first labor pain our family crowded up near me. Doctor confirmed that Our Arnav will be there within next 2-3 hours.

Just before, I was pulled to the labor room.

“Nihal, I have something to say to you….Can you please come closer?”

He bent down and I continued.

“Even if our baby is in the one in that thousand, we will be able to love him, right?”

He wiped off those tears rolling down my eyes and kissed on my forehead telling.

“Yes my dear…..we will be”

At around 5 in the morning, Arnav was taken out of the room cuddled up in white blanket with those cute little eyes closed tight and small red lips resembling that of a red button. I took him up in my hand, for the first time in my life ….The very feeling of him in my hand, I cried and kissed on those rosy cheeks. He just changed his sleeping posture. No other response from him.

Doctors took him for further checkups and tests. The results came, he was that one in thousand babies.

At least, now the other 999 parents won’t have to worry and undergo the same mental trauma!!
He might not be able to behave like a normal baby, nor speak like them. He might not be able to express his needs or do his own chores in his life time. He might not be able to eat on his own nor button up his dress. But still, he is our baby – our child!!

We had seen many in nearby society cursing these kids else abusing the mother for the birth of such a kid. Some whining over the thought of having such a baby and some even though love their kid can’t look after their child’s medical expense and needs. Some even abandon them on to the streets.

Kids like Arnav don’t have the mental growth enough to understand your attitude towards them. They don’t need sympathy rather the lifelong support till their life expectancy. It was then when we decided to have a home for such kids - special Kids who are abandoned by their parents, to care them, to love them, to give them the required treatment.

Nihal had helped me in setting up the home. We both resigned from our respective jobs and took up the charges for looking after special babies like Arnav.

There are many more things to be done…. First to call up Nihal and tell him to drop at Home and check out the grant Shreya was discussing about… then to continue with cross checking of the balance sheet.

I took Arnav with me to our office room to continue my work with the balance sheets. He sat on my lap. He started making again vague noise. I looked into those cute little eyes trying hard to read what those eyes were trying to convey.

Time moves on - But somethings remain the same !!

2009-03-21T03:40:00.000-07:00

It’s getting dark. The lights turned on to lighten up the park. She was sitting there all alone on the bench in the corner. Without showing of any intention in getting back home as thoughts were going through her mind. It did remind her of those days, when she used to be here with her friends. Sitting on the same bench, going on talking with them for hours and hours, until the watchman warns them of it’s closure time of park. Only, then they used to start walking out, just behind them the gates of the park will be closed by the watchman.

Life has changed her a lot now. She doesn’t have the time to be with them. As now, she is mother of two kids, wife, daughter-in-law. These new positions in her life had changed her a lot from her usual being. Her friends also doesn’t bother or complaint about this, as they are also occupying the same designations in their respective life. Even though they are separated by miles and miles, it is this mutual understanding between them which still binds them together in their heart.

She had always dreamt that she was quite a feminist and will never be entangled by the so called married life responsibilities and duties. She thought that she can do whatever she desired to do even after marriage!! But as the saying goes, time and tide never waits for anyone. So did in her case also, she too had to move on with the time. The responsibilities she had to take up, the decisions she had to make, the duties she had to fulfill….everything moulded her in giving the new identity.

She had always wondered why it is only the ladies who had to change after a marriage. Why not their counterparts not even consider making a small change in their life? Atleast taking into account of the fact that girls are moving out from their hometown, their family, their friends to that of an entirely new family,new place eventhough it will be called as her's. A smile litted across her face. It reminded her of the wonderful debates she and her friends used to had at this place.

“Do you think, we will be able to come to this park even after our marriage? Just to have our gupshaps?”

“Well…might be not yaar…as you will be busy with your household chores….And she will be in US… And yourself might be too much engrossed in your career that you won’t be having any time for us!!”

“Who said….I won’t be going to US…I will marry someone from here…I won’t be settling away from you all ….I will be here to disturb you all”

“And what do you think of me, Ma'm??? I will definitely be having time for you people….Even if its in between my career”

All thoughts faded away as the watchman came near her.

"Madamji, Park close Karne ka time aageya."

She got up and looked around. Now all she can hear is…..

“Beti, are you free? My legs are paining…. Can you massage?”

“Ma, Please help me in doing this assignment……It has to completed by tomorrow”

“Aare…..Get me a cup of strong tea…had a hectic day at office”

“Just check out, why the baby is crying….”

It continues…….!

She walked up to the gate without any complaints in her mind. The watchman following her to close the gate. Somewhere deep in her heart, she heard a whisper coming out which made her to smile….

”We will always be like this…..forever…..Where ever we are, we will be always together….as a support to one another in all our problems and happiness…….sitting in this park and having all our gupshaps….This is our promise to one another!!”